Bitingly Good: A Feast of Vampire Puns

Unearth the dark humor lurking in the shadows with our collection of vampire puns.

Whether you’re planning a Halloween party, seeking a chuckle for a vampire-themed event, or just in the mood for some fang-tastic fun, these puns are sure to bring a smile to even the most nocturnal of faces.

Funny Vampire Puns

1. Why did the vampire get a job at the art store? He was great at drawing blood.
2. I dated a vampire once, but it was just a pain in the neck.
3. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange.
4. Why did Dracula become a vegetarian? Biting necks was just a pain in the butt.
5. How do vampires flirt? “Is it hot in here, or is it just the eternal flames of damnation?”
6. What’s a vampire’s least favorite room in the house? The living room.
7. Why did the vampire join the police force? He wanted to taste the blood of the law.
8. Vampires like their coffee dark, no stake.
9. Why did the vampire get a ticket? He failed to stop for a bite.
10. How do vampires start their letters? “Tomb it may concern…”
11. Why was the vampire always calm? He liked to avoid high stake situations.
12. Why was the vampire a good pitcher? He had a killer curve-bite.
13. What do you call a vampire that can lift heavy objects? Vlad the Inhaler.
14. Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation.
15. How did the vampire like his steak? Bloody rare.
16. What do you call a vampire who’s sick? A coffin-cougher.
17. Why don’t vampires use Facebook? Because they don’t like to face the sunlight.
18. What do you call a vampire’s dog? A bloodhound.
19. Why did the vampire go to school? To improve his “dead”ucation.
20. Why did Dracula become a baker? Because he kneaded the dough.
21. What do you call a vampire in the snow? Frostbite.
22. Why don’t vampires fight each other? They don’t want to be at each other’s throats.
23. Why did the vampire fail drama class? He couldn’t find his biting point.
24. How does a vampire start a race? “Ready, set, bite!”
25. Why do vampires always seem sick? They’re always coffin.
26. What’s a vampire’s favorite candy? A blood sucker.
27. How did the vampire get into real estate? He wanted to buy a blooded property.
28. Why did the vampire become a poet? Because every verse was deep in vein.
29. Why do vampires love baseball? They’re great at batting.
30. What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound.
31. Why did the vampire sit on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse.
32. How do vampires keep their pants up? With a bat belt.
33. What kind of key does a vampire use? A skeleton key.
34. Why did Dracula take cold medicine? To stop the coffin.
35. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of ship? A blood vessel.
36. Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist? To straighten his bite.
37. Why was the vampire artist so successful? His work was always in the vein of great artists.
38. Why don’t vampires use seasoning? Their food already has enough bite!
39. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat!
40. Why was the vampire so stressed? He felt drained every night.

Vampire Love Puns

1. I’m “batty” about you.
2. You make my heart “beet” faster.
3. I’ve been “dead” serious about you from the start.
4. Will you be the “vein” of my existence?
5. Love at first “bite” is real because I felt it with you.
6. Our love story is “legendary.”
7. My love for you never “dies.”
8. With you, every night feels like an eternal “date” night.
9. I was “suckered” into loving you from the moment we met.
10. You’re the “type” I’ve been searching for.
11. I’m not a “night owl,” I just can’t stop thinking about you.
12. Would it be a “pain in the neck” if I asked you out?
13. Your love is the “lifeblood” of my existence.
14. Being with you makes “eternity” seem too short.
15. I’ve “counted” the moments until I could see you again.
16. I may be undead, but my heart beats only for you.
17. Meeting you was a “stake” I’d gladly make again.
18. Your love is “intoxicating,” no garlic needed.
19. Your smile “lights up” even my darkest nights.
20. “Wing” it with me, and let’s fly together forever.
21. You give love a whole new “cryptic” meaning.
22. I never believed in forever until I met you.
23. Your love is the only “sunshine” in my life.
24. You make me feel “alive” in ways I never imagined.
25. I’ve “crossed” oceans of time to find you.
26. Together, we’re a match made in “transylvania.”
27. My love for you is as deep as the “night.”
28. Would you be the “blood” to my wine?
29. With you, I’ve found my “forever” bite.
30. I thought I was immortal until you showed me what it means to live.

Vampire Dad Jokes

1. Why did the vampire bring string to the baseball game? He wanted to tie the score.
2. Why did the vampire get a job in the cafeteria? Because he heard the job came with a free bite!
3. How does a vampire start his day? With a good cup of “coffin”ee.
4. Why did Dracula never play hide and seek? Because he always bats at hiding.
5. Why did the vampire subscribe to the newspaper? To stay updated with current “events.”
6. Why did Dracula go to art school? Because he loved to draw blood.
7. How do vampires get around the city? They take the blood vessel.
8. Why did the vampire go to the doctor? He had “bat” cholesterol.
9. Why did Dracula become a chef? He heard it was a stake job.
10. Why was the vampire always at the computer? He wanted to keep an eye on his bat-teries.
11. Why did the vampire get promoted? He was dead-icated to his job.
12. How do vampires like their stakes? Well-done.
13. What did the vampire say to his teacher? “See you next bite!”
14. Why did the vampire buy a boat? He wanted to sail the blood seas.
15. How did the vampire learn to read? From his “bat”terfly teacher.
16. Why don’t vampires like junk food? Too many “bat” carbs.
17. Why did the vampire give up racing? He couldn’t stand the bat-teries not included.
18. Why did Dracula start playing the trumpet? Because he loved jazz “bites.”
19. Why was the vampire great at sales? He had the perfect “pitch.”
20. Why did the vampire invest in a new comb? To keep his bat hair in place.
21. What do you call a vampire who’s good with tools? Count Screw-dracula.
22. Why did the vampire become a dentist? He wanted to improve his bite.
23. What did Dracula say after reading all these jokes? “They’re bloody funny!”
24. Why did Dracula never get married? He never met a “count-ess” he liked.
25. Why was the vampire terrible at lying? Because you could see right through him.
26. Why did the vampire get glasses? To look sharp and focus on the details.
27. How does Dracula style his hair? With “bat-treese” and gel.
28. Why did the vampire always carry an umbrella? He didn’t want to get a sunburn.
29. How do vampires keep their breath fresh? Fang-tastic mints!
30. Why don’t vampires use napkins? Because they prefer their food to be a little messy.

Vampire Knock Knock Jokes

1. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there? Dracula.
   • Dracula who? Draculater, I have to run now!
2. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there? Fang.
   • Fang who? Fangs for inviting me in!
3. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there? Vlad.
   • Vlad who? Vlad you could join me for dinner!
4. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there? Coffin.
   • Coffin who? Coffin up your candy, or I might just take a bite!
5. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there? Bat.
   • Bat who? Bat you didn’t expect to see me!
6. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there? Stake.
   • Stake who? Stake your claim on this candy before I do!
7. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there? Bite.
   • Bite who? Bite me, I forgot the punchline!
8. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there? Vein.
   • Vein who? Vein or shine, I’m here for the treats!
9. Knock, knock.
   • Who’s there? Moon.
   • Moon who? Moonlight and vampires, a perfect night!
10. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Crypt.
    • Crypt who? Crypt-ic messages are my specialty.
11. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Nosferatu.
    • Nosferatu who? Nosfera-two pieces of candy for me, please!
12. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Twilight.
    • Twilight who? Twilight you going to let me in?
13. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Immortal.
    • Immortal who? Immortal in love with these jokes!
14. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Cape.
    • Cape who? Cape it real; you’re my favorite ghoul!
15. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Blood.
    • Blood who? Blood you know I’d come knocking?
16. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Wine.
    • Wine who? Wine not let me in for a sip?
17. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Transylvania.
    • Transylvania who? Transylvanian treats are the best, care for a taste?
18. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Garlic.
    • Garlic who? Garlic bread? Oh, no thanks, I’ve already eaten!
19. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Mirror.
    • Mirror who? Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the scariest of them all?
20. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Night.
    • Night who? Night time is the right time for some vampire fun!
21. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Hiss.
    • Hiss who? Hiss-terical vampire jokes, coming right up!
22. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Count.
    • Count who? Count on me to make you smile!
23. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Eternity.
    • Eternity who? Eternity feels like a long time without a good joke!
24. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Haunt.
    • Haunt who? Haunt you going to invite me in?
25. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Undead.
    • Undead who? Undead serious about these jokes!
26. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Werewolf.
    • Werewolf who? Werewolf I find the best vampire jokes? Right here!
27. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Spell.
    • Spell who? Spell-bind me with another joke!
28. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Broom.
    • Broom who? Broom service! Want some blood smoothies?
29. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Mummy.
    • Mummy who? Mummy said you had the best candy in town!
30. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Ghost.
    • Ghost who? Ghost along with vampires; we’re all in this haunted night together!

You can now knock ’em dead with these jokes at your next spooky gathering!

Final Words

No need to hide in the coffin when it comes to sharing a good joke! Vampire puns offer a delightful blend of timeless humor and contemporary wit.

Whether you’re a fan of classic vampire lore or the more modern takes on the bloodsucking legends, there’s a pun here to tickle your funny bone.

Next time you’re in the company of fellow nocturnal enthusiasts, drop one of these puns and watch the room light up – just, hopefully, not with sunlight!