Kicking Humor into High Gear: A Collection of the Best Soccer Jokes

Dive into a hilarious collection of soccer jokes that will have fans rolling with laughter both on and off the pitch.

From goalkeepers to strikers, from penalty kicks to offside traps, these jokes cover all the funny aspects of the beautiful game.

Whether you’re a seasoned fan, a casual observer, or just in it for the fun, these light-hearted quips are sure to tickle your funny bone and deepen your love for the game.

Funny Soccer Jokes

Funny Soccer Jokes
  1. Why don’t soccer players ever get locked out of their house? Because they always carry a ‘keeper.
  2. Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
  3. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match!
  4. What do you call a forward who can’t score? An “off-side” striker.
  5. Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer? Because she always runs away from the ball.
  6. Why didn’t the soccer ball go to the party? Because it was kicked around too much.
  7. What’s a ghost’s favorite position in soccer? Ghoul-keeper!
  8. Why did the soccer player go to school? He heard he could get a “degree of difficulty” for a bicycle kick!
  9. How do soccer players stay cool during games? They stand near the fans.
  10. What’s the difference between a soccer player and a dog? A soccer player takes a shot, a dog catches it!
  11. Why did the soccer ball say to the player? I get a kick out of you!
  12. Why are soccer players excellent at math? They know how to use their heads.
  13. What do you call a dinosaur that plays soccer? A Dino-score.
  14. Why was the soccer field full of bugs? It was infested with “mid-fielders”.
  15. Why do soccer players do well in school? They know how to use their heads.
  16. Why are pastry chefs good at soccer? They really know how to roll the dough.
  17. Why was the computer good at soccer? Because it has a hard drive.
  18. How is a bad soccer team like an old bra? It has no support.
  19. What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next? A soccer coach.
  20. Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer? They watch cricket instead.
  21. Why did the soccer player go to a bakery? Because he wanted a good roll.
  22. Why can’t soccer players play cards? Because they’re always trying to get an extra card.
  23. Why did the soccer player hold his boot to his ear? Because he liked sole music.
  24. Why don’t soccer players get coffee breaks? It might lead to a latte of penalties.
  25. Why do soccer players do well in school? Because they know how to get their kicks.
  26. What do soccer players and magicians have in common? They both do hat tricks.
  27. What’s a soccer player’s favorite drink? Penal-tea!
  28. Why was the soccer book a best seller? It had all the kicks and thrills.
  29. Why did the soccer ball quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around.
  30. What do you call a forward who doesn’t score? Assist-man!
  31. How does a soccer star make a call? On his cell-ball-phone!
  32. What’s the quietest soccer team? The one with a silent “k” (kickers).
  33. Why do soccer players like grass so much? Because they can’t resist a good pitch.
  34. Why did the soccer player bring a map onto the field? He wanted to find the corner.
  35. Why did the tomato turn red on the soccer pitch? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  36. Why don’t aliens play soccer? They’re afraid of the World Cup.
  37. Why did the scarecrow win the soccer award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  38. What time is it when an elephant sits on your soccer ball? Time to get a new ball.
  39. Why is the soccer field such a windy place? All those fans.
  40. And finally, what would you get if you crossed a soccer player and the Invisible Man? Soccer’s most valuable player, because no one could see him coming!

Soccer Dad Jokes

Soccer Dad Jokes
  1. Why did the soccer ball go to the team party? Because it was kicked around!
  2. How do soccer players stay cool during the game? They stand near the fans.
  3. Why was the math book a poor soccer player? It has too many problems.
  4. Why don’t soccer players get tired? Because they’re used to running around in circles.
  5. Why do soccer players do well in school? Because they know how to use their heads.
  6. Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? He wanted to tie the score.
  7. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match!
  8. Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer? Because she always runs away from the ball.
  9. What do you call a dinosaur that plays soccer? A Dino-score.
  10. Why did the soccer player go to school? He wanted to get his kicks.
  11. Why don’t soccer players ever get locked out? Because they always carry a ‘keeper.
  12. Why did the soccer player hold his boot to his ear? Because he liked sole music.
  13. What’s the quietest soccer team? The one with a silent “k” (kickers).
  14. Why was the soccer field full of bugs? It was infested with “mid-fielders”.
  15. Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer? They prefer cricket!
  16. What do you call a forward who doesn’t score? An off-side striker!
  17. Why are soccer players like tea bags? They’re both not worth a kick until they’re in hot water.
  18. What time is it when an elephant sits on your soccer ball? Time to get a new ball!
  19. Why did the tomato turn red on the soccer pitch? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  20. How do soccer stars make their calls? On their cell-ball-phones!
  21. Why did the soccer ball quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around.
  22. What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next? A soccer coach.
  23. Why can’t soccer players play cards? They always try to get an extra card.
  24. Why did the scarecrow become a soccer player? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  25. Why do soccer players do well in school? They know how to get their kicks.
  26. Why did the soccer player go to a bakery? Because he wanted a good roll.
  27. What’s a soccer player’s favorite drink? Penal-tea!
  28. Why are pastry chefs good at soccer? They really know how to roll the dough.
  29. What do you call a forward who can’t score? An “off-side” striker.
  30. And finally, what would you get if you crossed a soccer player and the Invisible Man? Soccer’s most valuable player, because no one could see him coming!

Jokes About Soccer Players

Jokes About Soccer Players
  1. Why don’t soccer players ever get locked out of their house? Because they always carry a ‘keeper.
  2. Why did the soccer player go to school? Because he knew he could get a degree in kicking!
  3. Why do soccer players do well in school? They know how to use their heads.
  4. What do you call a forward who can’t score? An “off-side” striker.
  5. Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
  6. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match!
  7. Why did the soccer player go to a bakery? Because he wanted a good roll.
  8. Why did the soccer player hold his boot to his ear? Because he liked sole music.
  9. How does a soccer star make a call? On his cell-ball-phone!
  10. Why was the soccer field full of bugs? Because it was infested with “mid-fielders”.
  11. What’s the quietest soccer team? The one with a silent “k” (kickers).
  12. Why do soccer players like grass so much? Because they can’t resist a good pitch.
  13. Why did the soccer player bring a map onto the field? He wanted to find the corner.
  14. Why are soccer players like tea bags? They aren’t worth a kick until they’re in hot water!
  15. Why don’t soccer players get tired? Because they’re used to running around in circles.
  16. What do you call a soccer player with no legs? A “save”!
  17. Why don’t soccer players get coffee breaks? Because it might lead to a latte of penalties.
  18. What do soccer players and magicians have in common? They both do hat tricks.
  19. Why is the soccer field such a windy place? Because of all those fans.
  20. Why did the soccer player hold his shoe to his ear? Because he liked “sole” music.
  21. Why did the soccer player go to the bank? To get his “quarter back”.
  22. Why are soccer players good dancers? Because they have good footwork.
  23. Why did the soccer player bring a ladder to the game? He wanted to get to the top of the league.
  24. Why do soccer players have trouble controlling their dogs? Because they can’t hold on to the “leash” of the game.
  25. Why did the soccer player always carry a pencil? In case he drew a match.
  26. Why did the soccer player always carry a calendar? So he’d know when he was in his prime.
  27. What do soccer players and bakers have in common? They both need good rolls to score.
  28. Why do soccer players always look cool? Because they never sweat the small stuff.
  29. Why did the soccer player keep checking his watch? Because every second counts.
  30. And finally, why do soccer players never catch a cold? Because they always dodge the “draft”!

Soccer Knock Knock Jokes

Soccer Knock Knock Jokes
  1. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Owen.
    • Owen who?
    • 0-10 is the score!
  2. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Uri.
    • Uri who?
    • Uri-ally think we’re going to win this game?
  3. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Hugo.
    • Hugo who?
    • Hugo-nna catch that ball next time, right?
  4. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Noah.
    • Noah who?
    • Noah good place to watch the soccer game?
  5. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Ben.
    • Ben who?
    • Ben playing soccer all day, I’m tired!
  6. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Iris.
    • Iris who?
    • Iris-ponsible for that last goal!
  7. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Abby.
    • Abby who?
    • Abby-solutely sure we’re going to win!
  8. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Leon.
    • Leon who?
    • Leon me, we’re going to win this match.
  9. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Alma.
    • Alma who?
    • Alma-st there! Pass the ball!
  10. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Wendy.
    • Wendy who?
    • Wendy ball is coming, head it!
  11. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Harry.
    • Harry who?
    • Harry up and kick the ball!
  12. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Anita.
    • Anita who?
    • Anita-nother goal to win this game!
  13. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Howard.
    • Howard who?
    • Howard I know when to pass the ball?
  14. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Justin.
    • Justin who?
    • Justin time for the soccer match!
  15. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Stan.
    • Stan who?
    • Stan-d back! I’m about to take a free kick.
  16. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Annie.
    • Annie who?
    • Annie-one for a game of soccer?
  17. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Ida.
    • Ida who?
    • Ida like to be a professional soccer player.
  18. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Olive.
    • Olive who?
    • Olive-r the field, I’m open!
  19. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Ken.
    • Ken who?
    • Ken you pass the ball to me?
  20. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Yvonne.
    • Yvonne who?
    • Yvonne to play on my soccer team?
  21. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Rue.
    • Rue who?
    • Rue-ready to play some soccer?
  22. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Sue.
    • Sue who?
    • Sue-perb goal you scored there!
  23. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Norma.
    • Norma who?
    • Norma-ly I’m a goalkeeper, but today I’m a striker!
  24. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Will.
    • Will who?
    • Will you be at the soccer game tomorrow?
  25. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Phil.
    • Phil who?
    • Phil my water bottle, it’s halftime!
  26. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Lee.
    • Lee who?
    • Lee-t’s win this game!
  27. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Jess.
    • Jess who?
    • Jess keep the ball in play!
  28. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Arnie.
    • Arnie who?
    • Arnie you glad we’re winning?
  29. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Ada.
    • Ada who?
    • Ada ball before they score!
  30. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there?
    • Sawyer.
    • Sawyer who?
    • Sawyer amazing goal in the game today?

Soccer Jokes For Kids

Soccer Jokes For Kids
  1. Why don’t soccer players ever get locked out of their house? Because they always carry a ‘keeper.
  2. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match!
  3. Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer? Because she always runs away from the ball.
  4. What do you call a dinosaur that plays soccer? A Dino-score.
  5. What do you call a forward who can’t score? An “off-side” striker.
  6. Why did the soccer ball go to the party? Because it was kicked around too much!
  7. Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
  8. Why didn’t the soccer ball go to school? It was afraid of the markers!
  9. Why are soccer players good at math? They know how to use their heads.
  10. Why do soccer players like tea so much? Because they often dribble!
  11. Why did the soccer player go to a bakery? Because he wanted a good roll.
  12. Why can’t soccer players play cards? Because they’re always trying to get an extra card.
  13. Why did the scarecrow win the soccer award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  14. Why don’t grasshoppers watch soccer? They watch cricket instead.
  15. Why did the tomato turn red on the soccer pitch? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  16. Why don’t aliens play soccer? They’re afraid of the World Cup.
  17. Why are spiders good soccer players? Because they know the web of the game.
  18. What tea do soccer players drink? Penal-tea!
  19. Why did the computer go to soccer practice? Because it wanted to improve its booting skills.
  20. How do soccer players stay cool during games? They stand near the fans.
  21. Why was the soccer book a best seller? It had all the kicks and thrills.
  22. What do soccer players and magicians have in common? They both do hat tricks.
  23. What time is it when an elephant sits on your soccer ball? Time to get a new ball.
  24. Why did the soccer player always bring a pencil to the game? In case he wanted to draw a match.
  25. Why do birds not make good soccer players? Because they always tweet when they get a foul.
  26. How do soccer players talk to each other? By using their “pitcher” voice.
  27. What’s the quietest soccer team? The one with a silent “k” (kickers).
  28. Why was the soccer field full of bugs? It was infested with “mid-fielders”.
  29. What do you call a dog that can play soccer? A goalie retriever!
  30. Why do soccer players do well in school? Because they know how to use their heads.

Soccer Jokes For Boyfriend

Soccer Jokes For Boyfriend
  1. Why don’t soccer players get tired? Because they’re used to running around in my mind all day!
  2. What do you call a forward who can’t score? Not you, darling!
  3. Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer? Because she always leaves before the ball drops, just like you at midnight.
  4. Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie my heart in knots.
  5. Why don’t soccer players ever get locked out of their house? Because they always carry a ‘keeper, just like you keep my heart.
  6. What lights up a soccer stadium? Your smile, my MVP!
  7. Why do soccer players do well in school? They know how to use their heads, just like my smarty-pants boyfriend.
  8. Why are soccer players good at math? Because they know the angles, just like how you figured out the angle to my heart.
  9. What do you call a dinosaur that plays soccer? A Score-asaurus, just like you!
  10. Why did the soccer ball quit the team? It couldn’t handle being kicked around, unlike my strong boyfriend.
  11. Why did the soccer player go to a bakery? Because he heard my sweet boyfriend was the best thing since sliced bread.
  12. Why can’t soccer players play cards? Because you’ve already stolen my heart.
  13. Why did the tomato turn red on the soccer pitch? Because it saw you, the salad dressing!
  14. Why did the scarecrow win the soccer award? Because it was outstanding in its field, just like you are in yours.
  15. Why do soccer players like grass so much? Because they can’t resist a good pitch, just like how I couldn’t resist you.
  16. How does a soccer star make a call? On his cell-ball-phone, just like how you scored my number.
  17. Why don’t aliens play soccer? They’re afraid of the World Cup, but not as afraid as I am of losing you.
  18. Why did the soccer player always carry a pencil? To rewrite the records, just like how you’ve rewritten my standards.
  19. Why is the soccer field such a windy place? Because of all those fans, just like my boyfriend’s fan club.
  20. Why do soccer players do well in school? They know how to get their kicks, just like you got me.
  21. Why are spiders good soccer players? They know the web of the game, just like how you’ve entangled my heart.
  22. Why did the soccer player hold his boot to his ear? Because he heard it’s good “sole” music, just like the sweet nothings you whisper to me.
  23. Why don’t soccer players get coffee breaks? Because it might lead to a latte of penalties, unlike when we take coffee breaks together.
  24. What tea do soccer players drink? Penal-tea, because you’ve stolen my heart without any penalties.
  25. What do soccer players and magicians have in common? They both do hat tricks, just like the way you charmed your way into my life.
  26. How do soccer players stay cool during games? They stand near the fans, just like how I cool down around you.
  27. What’s the quietest soccer team? The one without you!
  28. What time is it when an elephant sits on your soccer ball? Time for you to swoop in and save the day, my hero.
  29. Why was the soccer field full of bugs? Because it was missing my bug squasher, you.
  30. Why are soccer players like tea bags? They aren’t worth a kick until they’re in hot water, unlike you, who’s worth a kick anytime!

Final Words

As we draw our humor-filled journey to a close, it’s clear that soccer isn’t just about the thrilling goals, the strategic plays, or even the spectacular saves; it’s also about the fun and camaraderie that the sport brings out in its fans.

These soccer jokes aren’t just for laughs; they embody the spirit of the game – a balance of tension, excitement, and humor.

They remind us that the world’s most popular sport isn’t just a game but a universal language that unites us in laughter.

As we part, keep the fun going by sharing these jokes with friends, family, and fellow soccer enthusiasts. Because after all, a good laugh is the best goal anyone can score!

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