Hook, Line, and Sinker: A Bounty of Pirate Jokes to Shiver Your Timbers

Embark on a hilarious journey through a treasure trove of pirate jokes.

From peg-leg puns to eye patch antics, this article is sure to spark laughter in landlubbers and sea dogs alike.

Whether you’re planning a pirate-themed party, gearing up for Talk Like a Pirate Day, or just in need of a good chuckle, these jokes are a sure-fire way to lighten the mood.

Pirate Joke

Pirate Joke
  1. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
    • Because he was sitting on the deck.
  2. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
    • An arm and a leg.
  3. Why did the pirate go to school?
    • To improve his “r”ticulation.
  4. Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet?
    • Because he was always stuck at C.
  5. What did the ocean say to the pirate?
    • Nothing, it just waved.
  6. What’s a pirate’s favorite subject in school?
    • Arrrrt.
  7. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music?
    • Shanty!
  8. How does a pirate know that he is a pirate?
    • He thinks, therefore he ARRR!
  9. What do you call a pirate who skips class?
    • Captain Hooky.
  10. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
    • You might think it’s R but it be the C!
  11. Why do pirates wear eyepatches?
    • Because they can’t afford iPads.
  12. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
    • Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
  13. What is a pirate’s favorite doll?
    • BARRRRbie!
  14. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
    • A nervous wreck.
  15. How do you save a drowning pirate?
    • With C-PR!
  16. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
  17. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
    • A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
  18. Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate?
    • Because he was standing on the deck.
  19. What do pirates say when they step on a Lego?
    • Arrrrgh!
  20. What’s a pirate’s favorite country?
    • ARRRgentina.
  21. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
    • Aye matey!
  22. Why did the vegan become a pirate?
    • He wanted to plunder soy!
  23. What’s a pirate’s worst nightmare?
    • A sunken chest with no booty.
  24. What did the sea say to the pirate?
    • Nothing, it just waved.
  25. Why did the pirate go on vacation?
    • He needed some arrr and arrr.
  26. What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
    • Rookie.
  27. What does a pirate wear for Halloween?
    • A pARRRty costume!
  28. Why do pirates not know the alphabet?
    • They always get stuck at “c”.
  29. How much did the pirate’s new earrings cost him?
    • A buccaneer.
  30. Why did the pirate refuse to say, “Aye, Aye, Captain”?
    • Because he’s only got one eye.
  31. What’s a pirate’s favorite part of a song?
    • The hook.
  32. What do you call a pirate that skips school?
    • Captain Hooky.
  33. What is a pirate’s favorite type of exercise?
    • The plank.
  34. Why did the pirate go to college?
    • To become an arrrrchitect.
  35. Why was the pirate ship so cheap?
    • It was on sail.
  36. What’s the problem with the way pirates speak?
    • They always drop their “g”s.
  37. What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer?
    • “Shiver me timbers!”
  38. What do you call a pirate who likes to read?
    • A literate.
  39. What do you call a chubby pirate?
    • A vast matey.
  40. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of fish?
    • A swordfish, because it comes with a cutlass!

Pirate Dad Jokes

Pirate Dad Jokes
  1. Why didn’t the pirate get his PhD?
    • He’s always stuck at the sea (C) level!
  2. What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
    • A rookie.
  3. Why did the pirate bring a map to the bar?
    • He was looking for a good rum route.
  4. How did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
    • With his boot-y.
  5. Why do pirates make terrible singers?
    • They always go off key!
  6. What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise?
    • Planking.
  7. What do you call a pirate who flies a plane?
    • An aye-ronaut!
  8. Why did the pirate fail his driving test?
    • He took too many left turns because he always has the right of way.
  9. How much does it cost a pirate to get a piercing?
    • A buccaneer.
  10. Why don’t pirates ever catch a cold?
    • They always get enough Vitamin C!
  11. What do you call a pirate that likes to knit?
    • Yarrrn.
  12. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of socks?
    • Arrrgyle.
  13. What’s a pirate’s favorite body part?
    • The booty.
  14. What’s a pirate’s favorite salad?
    • Arrrugula!
  15. Why are pirates bad at the alphabet?
    • They always get stuck at “c”.
  16. How do pirates know that they are pirates?
    • They think, therefore they ARRR!
  17. Why do pirates never lose in chess?
    • Because they have a “mate” at all times.
  18. Why don’t pirates use a safe deposit box?
    • They prefer to bury their treasure.
  19. What’s a pirate’s favorite element?
    • Arrrrgon.
  20. Why don’t pirates ever finish the alphabet?
    • They get lost at C!
  21. Why are pirates called pirates?
    • They just ARRR!
  22. How much does a pirate charge for corn?
    • A buck an ear.
  23. Why do pirates always carry a bar of soap?
    • So if they’re shipwrecked, they can wash themselves ashore.
  24. What do you call a pirate that steals from the rich and gives to the poor?
    • Robin Hook.
  25. What’s a pirate’s favorite restaurant?
    • Arrrby’s.
  26. Why don’t pirates use iPhones?
    • They prefer the high seas (C’s).
  27. What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
    • Aye Matey!
  28. What did the ocean say to the pirate?
    • Nothing, it just waved.
  29. Why do pirates like to golf?
    • Because of the perfect sw-ARRR-ing!
  30. Why was the pirate ship so cheap?
    • Because it was on sail!
  31. What did the pirate wear on Halloween?
    • A p-ARRR-ka!
  32. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of movie?
    • One that’s rated ARRR!
  33. What’s a pirate’s favorite branch of the military?
    • The ARRRmy.
  34. What’s a dyslexic pirate’s favorite letter?
    • P.
  35. What do vegan pirates do?
    • They ROB-ARRRRD for treasure.
  36. What do you call a pirate with a cat?
    • Purr-rate.
  37. What’s a pirate’s favorite workout?
    • Yo-ho-yoga.
  38. What do you call a pirate who’s a big fan of natural scenery?
    • Land ho-ver!
  39. Why did the pirate break up with his girlfriend?
    • She had a sunken chest and no booty.
  40. Why was the pirate movie rated R?
    • Because of all the sea-violence.
  41. What’s a pirate’s least favorite vegetable?
    • Leeks! They can sink a ship.
  42. Why did the pirate go to the Caribbean?
    • He wanted some ARR and ARR.

Funny Pirate Jokes

Funny Pirate Jokes
  1. Why don’t pirates ever get lost?
    • Because they always follow the “arrrrrt” on the map.
  2. Why didn’t the pirate go to school?
    • He preferred the high C’s.
  3. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheap?
    • He bought it on sail.
  4. How much did the pirate pay for his peg leg and hook hand?
    • An arm and a leg!
  5. What do you call a pirate that skips school?
    • Captain Hooky.
  6. How does a pirate ask for food at the drive-thru?
    • “Fry me timbers!”
  7. Why are pirates so eco-friendly?
    • They always follow the three R’s: Reduce, Reuse, and Rrrrrrrecycle!
  8. Why do pirates never use smartphones?
    • They can’t figure out how to set the vibrate to “ARRRR.”
  9. What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise?
    • The plank!
  10. Why did the pirate go on vacation?
  • He needed a little arrrr and arrrr.
  1. What’s a pirate’s favorite country?
  • ARRRgentina!
  1. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of movie?
  • One that’s rated “ARRRR”!
  1. What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
  • A rookie.
  1. What’s a dyslexic pirate’s favorite letter?
  • P.
  1. Why did the pirate refuse to say, “Aye, Aye, Captain”?
  • Because he’s only got one eye.
  1. What’s a pirate’s favorite part of a song?
  • The hook!
  1. How does a pirate like his pizza?
  • Deep pan, crisp and even!
  1. What do you call a pirate who likes to read?
  • A literate.
  1. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of fish?
  • A swordfish, because it comes with a cutlass!
  1. Why don’t pirates use a safe deposit box?
  • They prefer to bury their treasure.
  1. What do you call a pirate with a cat?
  • Purr-rate.
  1. How do pirates communicate with each other?
  • With an Aye Phone.
  1. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs?
  • They already have all the booty.
  1. Why did the pirate go to the Apple Store?
  • To buy an iPatch.
  1. What’s a pirate’s worst nightmare?
  • A sunken chest with no booty.
  1. What do you call a pirate that likes to knit?
  • Yarrrn.
  1. Why are pirates called pirates?
  • They just arrrrr!
  1. What kind of grades does a pirate get in school?
  • High Seas!
  1. Why did the pirate go to college?
  • To become an arrrrchitect.
  1. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
  • Aye matey!

Pirate Jokes For Kids

Pirate Jokes For Kids
  1. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
    • An arm and a leg!
  2. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
    • Because he was sitting on the deck.
  3. Why did the pirate go to school?
    • To improve his “r”ticulation.
  4. What is a pirate’s favorite subject in school?
    • Arrrrt.
  5. What do you call a pirate who skips class?
    • Captain Hooky.
  6. What did the ocean say to the pirate?
    • Nothing, it just waved.
  7. What is a pirate’s favorite doll?
    • BARRRRbie!
  8. How do you save a drowning pirate?
    • With C-PR!
  9. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
    • A carrot.
  10. Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate?
  • Because he was standing on the deck.
  1. What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
  • Rookie.
  1. What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer?
  • “Shiver me timbers!”
  1. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of fish?
  • A swordfish, because it comes with a cutlass!
  1. Why did the pirate refuse to say, “Aye, Aye, Captain”?
  • Because he’s only got one eye.
  1. How do pirates know that they are pirates?
  • They think, therefore they ARRR!
  1. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
  • You might think it’s R but it be the C!
  1. How much did the pirate’s new earrings cost him?
  • A buccaneer.
  1. What’s a pirate’s favorite part of a song?
  • The hook.
  1. Why do pirates not know the alphabet?
  • They always get stuck at “c”.
  1. Why did the pirate go on vacation?
  • He needed some arrr and arrr.
  1. What is a pirate’s favorite type of exercise?
  • The plank.
  1. Why did the pirate go to college?
  • To become an arrrrchitect.
  1. Why was the pirate ship so cheap?
  • It was on sail.
  1. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
  • Aye matey!
  1. What’s a pirate’s favorite country?
  • ARRRgentina.
  1. What do you call a pirate who likes to read?
  • A literate.
  1. What do you call a chubby pirate?
  • A vast matey.
  1. Why don’t pirates ever finish the alphabet?
  • They get lost at C!
  1. What’s a pirate’s favorite salad?
  • Arrrrugula!
  1. Why do pirates always know how to find their way in the forest?
  • Because they never lose their maples.
  1. What do you call a pirate that likes to bake?
  • Chef Matey.
  1. Why do pirates never get lonely?
  • Because they are surrounded by the sea.
  1. What is a pirate’s favorite type of music?
  • Shanty!
  1. What did the pirate say when his parrot flew away?
  • “I’m ready to get a new bird’s-eye view!”
  1. What do pirates wear in the winter?
  • Long Johns Silver.
  1. What do you call a pirate that likes to garden?
  • Plant Hook.
  1. What do you call a pirate with a steering wheel on his pants?
  • A waist of space!
  1. Why do pirates love corn?
  • Because it’s a-MAIZE-ing!

Pirate Eye Patch Jokes

Pirate Eye Patch Jokes
  1. Why did the pirate wear an eye patch?
    • He didn’t want to see the sea.
  2. Why do pirates always wear eye patches?
    • Because they can’t afford iPads.
  3. Why did the pirate wear a second eye patch?
    • He wanted to see in 3D.
  4. How does a pirate with an eye patch get a better view?
    • He switches it to the other eye.
  5. Why did the pirate wear an eye patch at the computer?
    • To improve his website.
  6. What’s the hardest part about being a pirate?
    • The eye patches…they’re driving him crazy!
  7. Why did the pirate wear an eye patch to the movie?
    • He didn’t want to watch the trailers.
  8. What’s a pirate’s least favorite vegetable?
    • An eye potato.
  9. Why don’t pirates wear eye patches on both eyes?
    • Because then they can’t see where they arrrr going.
  10. Why did the pirate start wearing an eye patch?
  • He couldn’t believe his eyes.
  1. Why did the pirate bring an extra eye patch to the party?
  • Just in case he got a little too ship-faced.
  1. Why did the pirate put on an eye patch?
  • He didn’t want to sea food.
  1. Why did the pirate refuse to wear his new eye patch?
  • It just wasn’t the same as the old one. It didn’t have the same arrrrrrrrr.
  1. Why did the pirate get an eye patch?
  • He didn’t want to be sea-n.
  1. What happened to the pirate who refused to wear his eye patch?
  • He saw too much.
  1. What did the pirate say when he took off his eye patch?
  • “Eye see you!”
  1. Why did the pirate buy a designer eye patch?
  • He wanted to be the high-seas fashion icon.
  1. Why did the pirate put on his eye patch?
  • His parrot told him to stop looking at it.
  1. What do you call a pirate with an eye patch and a parrot on his shoulder?
  • A bird watcher.
  1. Why did the pirate need an eye patch?
  • Because he couldn’t stop looking for treasure.
  1. Why don’t pirates wear eye patches at night?
  • Because it’s too dark to see anything anyway!
  1. What did the pirate say when he lost his eye patch?
  • “Eye can’t find it!”
  1. What did the pirate put under his eye patch?
  • His other eye!
  1. Why was the pirate’s eye patch always falling off?
  • Because it had a hole in it.
  1. Why did the pirate take off his eye patch when he went to sleep?
  • So he could see his dreams more clearly.
  1. Why did the pirate wear a clear eye patch?
  • He wanted to have a see-through experience.
  1. What did the pirate say when he got a new eye patch?
  • “Eye love it!”
  1. Why did the pirate wear an eye patch on his nose?
  • He had a bad sense of direction.
  1. What did the pirate say when his eye patch was too tight?
  • “It’s giving me a splitting headache!”
  1. What do you call a pirate with an eye patch and a steering wheel on his pants?
  • A bad navigator.
  1. Why did the pirate put an eye patch on his parrot?
  • He wanted it to look more like him.
  1. Why did the pirate’s eye patch always fall off?
  • He had a slippery look.
  1. What’s a pirate’s favorite eye patch color?
  • Sea-blue!
  1. Why did the pirate switch to a gold eye patch?
  • He had expensive taste.
  1. What happened when the pirate took off his eye patch?
  • He saw the sea!
  1. Why did the pirate wear an eye patch to dinner?
  • He didn’t want to watch others eat.
  1. What did the pirate say when he put on a new eye patch?
  • “Eye can’t believe it’s not better!”
  1. What happened when the pirate lost his eye patch?
  • He said, “Eye can’t find it!”
  1. What did the pirate say when he put on two eye patches?
  • “It’s a little dark in here.”
  1. Why did the pirate wear an eye patch on his good eye?
  • He was tired of seeing the same old sea.

Final Words

We hope this collection of pirate jokes has left you with a smile as wide as a treasure chest. Remember, humor is the best treasure one can possess.

So, keep these jokes in your arsenal for a rainy day, or to entertain your shipmates on your next nautical adventure.

Remember, a good joke is like a pirate’s life – it’s all about the delivery! Until then, fair winds and following seas, me hearties!

Leave a Comment