Laughter in Love: An Exploration of Marriage Jokes

Get ready to chuckle, chortle, and guffaw as we delve into the fascinating world of marriage jokes! This article explores the humor that stems from the quirks and peculiarities of married life.

It’s a light-hearted look at the dynamics of married couples, navigating through trials and triumphs, depicted through jokes that have brought smiles across generations.

Whether you’re married, engaged, or simply interested in the universality of humor found in the marital sphere, this humorous collection is sure to provide a hearty laugh.

Funny Marriage Jokes

Funny Marriage Jokes
  1. Why don’t married people go to heaven? Because it’s ’til death do us part!
  2. What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
  3. Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don’t? Bachelors go to the fridge, see nothing they want, and go to bed. Married men go to bed, see nothing they want, and go to the fridge!
  4. My wife told me I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
  5. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
  6. How does a husband show he’s planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
  7. Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
  8. My wife said she needs more space. So, I locked her outside.
  9. Why is marriage like a nice suit? At first it’s a perfect fit, but after a while, you need alterations.
  10. Why do married people look similar over time? Because they’ve been in the same mold for so long!
  11. Marriage is when a man loses his bachelors degree, and a woman gets her masters.
  12. Why don’t husbands make good secret agents? Because they can’t remember the mission.
  13. Wife: “How would you describe me?” Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK.” Wife: “What does that mean?” Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.” Wife: “What about IJK?” Husband: “I’m just kidding!”
  14. If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk in your sleep.
  15. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
  16. Wife to her husband: “Honey, what do you like most about me? My pretty face or my sexy body?” Husband: “Your sense of humor!”
  17. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
  18. My wife told me I should do something with my hair. So, I left it on the couch for her.
  19. I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” She said, “Somewhere I’ve never been!” I told her, “How about the kitchen?”
  20. The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
  21. My wife treats me like a God. Every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering.
  22. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
  23. Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right, and the other is the husband.
  24. A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
  25. What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.
  26. Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don’t work half the time.
  27. Wife: “I have a bag full of used clothing I’d like to donate.” Husband: “Why not just throw it in the trash? That’s much easier.” Wife: “But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.” Husband: “Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.”
  28. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
  29. “Honey, do you think I gained weight?” “No, I think the living room got smaller.”
  30. Wife: “Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?” Husband: “How can I? I don’t even know her.”
  31. “For better or worse” means if it’s better, stay; if it’s worse, stay.
  32. “Why did the married man sell his complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica?” “His wife knows everything.”
  33. “My husband thinks I’m crazy, but I’m not the one who married me.”
  34. Marriage is a lot like a card game. At first, you have two hearts and a diamond. After a while, you’re looking for a club and a spade.
  35. “My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy…so I got drunk.”
  36. “Honey, why do you always carry my photo in your wallet?” “Well, whenever I face a problem, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.” “Oh, you see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?” “Yes, I look at your picture and say to myself, ‘What other problem can be greater than this one?'”
  37. “My husband told me he needed more space. So I locked him outside.”
  38. “My wife said she wanted to have a conversation about something important. I can’t remember what I was doing for the rest of the day.”
  39. “My husband and I decided we don’t want to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.”
  40. “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”
  41. “Why do most men die before their wives?” “Because they want to.”
  42. “What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?” “A widow.”
  43. “What’s the best way to get your husband to do sit-ups?” “Put the remote control between his toes.”
  44. “Why don’t husbands ever die in their sleep?” “Because their wives might miss them.”
  45. “Why do wives always know where their husbands are?” “Because some things are just too hard to lose.”
  46. “What are the three most important words in a marriage?” “You’re probably right.”
  47. “Why are marriage and a tornado alike?” “At the beginning there’s a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end, you lose your house.”
  48. “Why is marriage like a nice suit?” “At first it’s a perfect fit, but after a while, you need alterations.”
  49. “Why do husbands make terrible detectives?” “The most obvious clues are always right in front of them.”
  50. “Why are husbands like stars?” “They come out at night after they think you’ve fallen asleep.”

Short Marriage Jokes

Short Marriage Jokes
  1. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
  2. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
  3. My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web designer.
  4. The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.
  5. Marriage is a workshop… where the husband works and the wife shops.
  6. I love being married. It’s great to find one special person you can annoy for the rest of your life.
  7. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So, I suggested the kitchen.
  8. What’s the difference between a husband and a boyfriend? 45 minutes.
  9. I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
  10. My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
  11. Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
  12. When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.
  13. My wife told me I should do something with my hair. So I left it on the couch for her.
  14. “Honey, I have good news and bad news,” said the husband. “Just give me the good news,” said the wife. “The airbags work.”
  15. Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now, I have six children and no theories.
  16. Arguing with your wife is like reading the Software License Agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click “I agree.”
  17. A man’s biggest fear is that his wife will notice when he’s not listening.
  18. My wife is a natural comedian. She’s always making up stories about me being helpful.
  19. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
  20. A man is incomplete until he’s married. After that, he’s finished.
  21. The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret.
  22. My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy, so I got drunk.
  23. Marrying a man for his good looks is like buying a house for its paint.
  24. A wife’s definition of retirement: Twice as much husband, half as much money.
  25. All men make mistakes. Married men just find out about them sooner.
  26. The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
  27. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
  28. A man said his credit card was stolen but he didn’t report it because the thief was spending less than his wife.
  29. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was “Always.”
  30. Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it!
  31. I’ve been in love with the same woman for 21 years. If my wife ever finds out, she’ll kill me!
  32. My wife said she needs more space, so I locked her outside.
  33. Wife: “Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?” Husband: “How can I? I don’t even know her.”
  34. Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
  35. A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
  36. Why do husbands die before their wives? They want to.
  37. My wife said, “For our anniversary I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds.” So, I bought her a scale.
  38. “Honey, do you think I gained weight?” “No, I think the living room got smaller.”
  39. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
  40. Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right, and the other is the husband.

Jokes About Marriage Advice

Jokes About Marriage Advice
  1. If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married, you can’t even change the TV channel.
  2. My wife asked me, “Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?” So I took her to dinner and a movie, then dropped her off at her parents’ house.
  3. The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once.
  4. My wife asked me for “something fun and exciting that will make her scream” for her birthday. So I let a spider loose in the bathroom.
  5. “You have two choices in a marriage: you can either be right, or you can be happy.”
  6. An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
  7. They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.
  8. I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes. He gave me a hug.
  9. Never laugh at your spouse’s choices, you are one of them.
  10. A good marriage is like a game of chess. The queen should always protect the king.
  11. When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
  12. “Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”
  13. The key to a great marriage is to keep your fights clean and your love life dirty.
  14. I told my wife the best way to remember birthdays is to forget it once, now every day is my birthday.
  15. Why do married men gain weight and bachelors not? Bachelors go to the fridge, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married men go to bed, see nothing they want, then go to the fridge.
  16. Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.
  17. “Son, when you get married, remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always try to get the last two words in: ‘Yes, dear’.”
  18. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is shouting at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, because at least he’ll quiet down after you let him in.
  19. Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
  20. The key to a happy marriage: Tell your spouse they’re right even when you know they’re wrong. After all, would you rather have peace or victory?
  21. The best marriage advice I can give: give up. Give up the need to be right.
  22. “My wife told me she needs more space. So I locked her outside.”
  23. Marriage advice: The man who says he is the boss in his own home will lie about other things as well.
  24. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.
  25. The secret to a happy marriage is a secret.
  26. The best piece of advice for a happy marriage: Don’t ever try to win an argument, just try to get it down to a discussion and a mutual compromise.
  27. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
  28. “Before you get married, you should fall in love at least once. Preferably with the person you’re about to marry.”
  29. When asked the best time to make decisions in a marriage, a wise man said, “When your wife is not around.”
  30. A husband said to his wife, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.”

Marriage Jokes For Couples

Marriage Jokes For Couples
  1. Why don’t people get married in the library? Because it’s a place of quiet reflection!
  2. My wife told me I should do something with my hair. So, I left it on the couch for her.
  3. Marriage: when dating goes too far.
  4. What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Still trying to figure that out, but strangely my wife knows!
  5. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. She said, “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” So, I suggested the kitchen.
  6. Wife: “How would you describe me?” Husband: “ABCDEFGHIJK.” Wife: “What does that mean?” Husband: “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.” Wife: “What about IJK?” Husband: “I’m just kidding!”
  7. I’ve just learned to accept that I’m wrong, even when I’m right.
  8. Wife: “Honey, I think we need a new car.” Husband: “Why, did you break a nail?”
  9. Husband: “Honey, our new neighbors always kiss when they say goodbye. Why don’t we do the same?” Wife: “How can I? I don’t even know her.”
  10. Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
  11. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
  12. My wife treats me like a god. Every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering.
  13. My wife told me she needs more space. So, I locked her outside.
  14. Why do married people look similar over time? Because they’ve been in the same mold for so long!
  15. Why do husbands make good secret agents? Because they can’t remember the mission.
  16. If you want your spouse to listen to you, then talk in your sleep.
  17. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It!
  18. Wife to her husband: “Honey, what do you like most about me? My pretty face or my sexy body?” Husband: “Your sense of humor!”
  19. Why is marriage like a nice suit? At first it’s a perfect fit, but after a while, you need alterations.
  20. Wife: “Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?” Husband: “How can I? I don’t even know her.”
  21. The most effective way to remember your spouse’s birthday is to forget it once.
  22. Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right, and the other is the husband.
  23. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
  24. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
  25. My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. So, I got drunk.
  26. “For better or worse” means if it’s better, stay; if it’s worse, stay.
  27. “Why did the married man sell his complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica?” “His wife knows everything.”
  28. Marriage is a lot like a card game. At first, you have two hearts and a diamond. After a while, you’re looking for a club and a spade.
  29. “My wife told me she wanted to have a conversation about something important. I can’t remember what I was doing for the rest of the day.”
  30. “My husband and I decided we don’t want to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.”
  31. Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
  32. “What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?” “A widow.”
  33. “What’s the best way to get your husband to do sit-ups?” “Put the remote control between his toes.”
  34. “Why do wives always know where their husbands are?” “Because some things are just too hard to lose.”
  35. “What are the three most important words in a marriage?” “You’re probably right.”
  36. “Why are marriage and a tornado alike?” “At the beginning there’s a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end, you lose your house.”
  37. “Why is marriage like a nice suit?” “At first it’s a perfect fit, but after a while, you need alterations.”
  38. “Why do husbands make terrible detectives?” “The most obvious clues are always right in front of them.”
  39. “Why are husbands like stars?” “They come out at night after they think you’ve fallen asleep.”
  40. “Honey, why do you always carry my photo in your wallet?” “Well, whenever I face a problem, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.” “Oh, you see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?” “Yes, I look at your picture and say to myself, ‘What other problem can be greater than this one?'”

Wedding Jokes For Groom

Wedding Jokes For Groom
  1. I’ve been told that marriage is a lot like getting into a hot tub. At first, it’s warm and exciting, but after a while, it’s not so hot and you’re just glad you have a drink.
  2. It’s amazing to be standing here today. I genuinely thought my wife would have run away by now.
  3. “I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning, doing the dishes and mowing the lawn. Worst decision I ever made.”
  4. “As a married man, it’s important to make decisions. My wife taught me that. She lets me decide which color towel to use in the kitchen.”
  5. “My wife told me that the key to a long and happy marriage is to remember two little words: Yes, dear.”
  6. “My wife and I have been together for several years now, and I’m starting to think she’s a keeper. She knows too much.”
  7. “To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”
  8. “It’s a good thing I got married because I was getting tired of finishing my own sentences.”
  9. “They say marriage is about finding the one person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Well, I’ve found her!”
  10. “They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.”
  11. “Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.”
  12. “Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now, I have six children and no theories.”
  13. “My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.”
  14. “The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once.”
  15. “In my house, I make all the big decisions and my wife makes all the little decisions. In 20 years of marriage, there haven’t been any big decisions.”
  16. “My wife says I never listen, or something like that.”
  17. “Why are husbands like cars? Because they always need to be changed for a newer model.”
  18. “My wife is a psychologist… not only does she know when I’m being a jerk, but she knows exactly what type of jerk I’m being.”
  19. “My wife told me: ‘Sex is better on holiday.’ That wasn’t a nice postcard to receive.”
  20. “I’m a very happily married man. But don’t tell my wife.”
  21. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.”
  22. “I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.”
  23. “When you’re in love, age doesn’t matter. Unless you’re cheese.
  24. “Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.”
  25. “They say a man’s home is his castle. Well, this is not true. I don’t have a drawbridge or a moat.”
  26. “My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.”
  27. “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”
  28. “They say the secret to a happy marriage is to never go to bed angry. Which is why we haven’t slept in 6 months.”
  29. “Before I got married, I had freedom, money, and time. Now I just have a wife.”
  30. “I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It’s to remind me why there’s no money in there.”

Wedding Jokes For Bride

Wedding Jokes For Bride
  1. “Why do they call it ‘settling down’ when getting married feels like an exciting adventure?”
  2. “Why are husbands like lawnmowers? Because they’re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don’t work half the time.”
  3. “I got married because it’s so nice to come home to someone who’ll ask about your day and be excited to see you.”
  4. “They say marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.”
  5. “Why is marriage like a violin? After all the beautiful music is over, you’re left with the strings.”
  6. “I’m so excited to start calling him my ‘ex-boyfriend’.”
  7. “My future husband makes me laugh because he thinks he’s the boss of the house.”
  8. “Marriage is like going to a restaurant. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.”
  9. “They say the key to a man’s heart is through his stomach. So, on our wedding day, I’m wearing a kitchen apron under my dress.”
  10. “Marriage is when you get to keep your prince and your wardrobe expands.”
  11. “I’ve been told that marriage is a 50-50 proposition, which means my husband and I might stand a pretty good chance at getting at least half of it right.”
  12. “Somebody once said that marriage is a 50-50 partnership, but whoever said that clearly knows nothing about women or fractions.”
  13. “My husband told me he doesn’t want anything for our wedding anniversary. Just like last year when he didn’t want anything for my birthday.”
  14. “I’m getting married to a wonderful man who makes me laugh. Whenever he says, “I love you,” I reply, “I love you more.”
  15. “My husband thinks I’m crazy, but who would want to be sane?”
  16. “I love my husband because he takes the time to bring me flowers. It’s really the least he can do after sleeping in the garden.”
  17. “I love being a bride-to-be. I get to plan a wedding, do a fun photoshoot, and become a cake tasting expert.”
  18. “Marriage is all about communication. I communicate in English and my husband, in football.”
  19. “The secret to a happy marriage is to marry a man who is an archaeologist. The older you get, the more interested he is in you.”
  20. “Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature.”
  21. “Marriage: a legal or formal recognition of a union between two people, also known as choosing your lifelong roommate.”
  22. “Why did the bride wear white? Because it’s good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.”
  23. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”
  24. “Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.”
  25. “Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.”
  26. “My husband said he wanted more space. So I locked him outside.”
  27. “Why do brides always wear white? Because it is the most popular color for kitchen appliances.”
  28. “The key to a long-lasting marriage is that every day you need to say, ‘I love you.’ Because even if it’s not true, your husband will believe it.”
  29. “Why do men want to marry virgins? They can’t stand criticism.”
  30. “I always knew I’d find the right man for me. I just didn’t know his first name would be ‘Always.'”

Bad Dad Wedding Jokes

Bad Dad Wedding Jokes
  1. “Why don’t they have a test for people wanting to get married? They have a driving test!”
  2. Why did the married cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer too long!”
  3. “You know you’re happily married when you’d rather argue with your spouse than agree with anyone else.”
  4. “Why is marriage like a nice suit? At first it’s a perfect fit, but after a while, you need alterations.”
  5. “I’ve been married for so long, I’m on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce.”
  6. “Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.”
  7. “Son, marriage is like a game of poker. At first you have two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.”
  8. Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? Because he’s always spotted!”
  9. “My wife asked me to go to the grocery store to get 6 cans of Sprite…when I realized when I got home, I had picked 7up.”
  10. “Why do we call marriage a word? Because it’s a life sentence.”
  11. “Do you know why the wedding ring is placed on the fourth finger from the thumb of the left hand? Because it’s the only finger with a vein that connects to the heart. Just like how it’s the only thing that can drain your bank account.”
  12. “Why is a bad joke like a bad pencil? Because it has no point!”
  13. “Why do golfers carry an extra pair of pants? In case they get a hole in one!”
  14. “Marriage is all about commitment. Of course, so does insanity.”
  15. “What did the necktie say to the hat? You go on ahead, I’ll hang around.”
  16. “I always tell new husbands – don’t let your wife make the coffee. You’re grounds for divorce.”
  17. “Why does a man get married? So he doesn’t have to hold in his stomach anymore!”
  18. Why do we drink a toast at weddings? To settle the nerves. After all, it’s not every day you make the biggest mistake of your life!”
  19. “I remember my wedding like it was yesterday. If it was tomorrow, I would cancel.”
  20. “My wife and I were happy for 20 years… then we met.”
  21. “Son, always remember the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.”
  22. “Why did the scarecrow win an award at the wedding? Because he was outstanding in his field!”
  23. “Do you know why a bride smiles as she walks down the aisle? She knows she’s given her last blow dry.”
  24. “Why are husbands like lawnmowers? They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious fumes, and half the time they don’t work.”
  25. Son, why buy a cow when you can get milk for free? Not the best advice, but it’s ‘udderly’ ridiculous!”
  26. “They say love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”
  27. “Why did the bride bring a ladder to her wedding? She heard it was time to take the next step.”
  28. “Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.”
  29. “Marriage is grand. Divorce is about 10 grand.”
  30. “Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.”

Marriage Knock Knock Jokes

Marriage Knock Knock Jokes
  1. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Olive.
    • Olive who? Olive you and I miss you!
  2. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Ida.
    • Ida who? Ida know what I’d do without you!
  3. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Dewey.
    • Dewey who? Dewey have to keep arguing?
  4. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Lettuce.
    • Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s too cold out here!
  5. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Alpaca.
    • Alpaca who? Alpaca the suitcase, you load up the car.
  6. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Harry.
    • Harry who? Harry up and answer the door!
  7. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Ben.
    • Ben who? Ben knocking for 10 minutes!
  8. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Olive.
    • Olive who? Olive you and I want to spend my life with you.
  9. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Will.
    • Will who? Will you remember to pick up the milk?
  10. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Muffin.
    • Muffin who? Muffin much, what’s going on with you?
  11. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Yoda.
    • Yoda who? Yoda one for me!
  12. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Boo.
    • Boo who? Boo, you don’t need to cry! It’s just a joke.
  13. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Dishes.
    • Dishes who? Dishes the love of my life!
  14. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Honeybee.
    • Honeybee who? Honeybee a dear and get me a glass of water.
  15. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Aida.
    • Aida who? Aida sandwich for lunch today.
  16. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Some bunny.
    • Some bunny who? Some bunny has been eating all my carrots!
  17. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Atch.
    • Atch who? Bless you!
  18. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Lettuce.
    • Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold out here!
  19. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Nun.
    • Nun who? Nun of your business!
  20. Knock, knock.
    • Who’s there? Donut.
    • Donut who? Donut forget our anniversary!

Wedding Jokes For Best Man

Wedding Jokes For Best Man
  1. “I’m not saying the groom is cheap, but he won’t even tip the scales.”
  2. “Ladies and gentlemen, before we raise our glasses to the happy couple, I’d like to make a toast to the bar staff who will be keeping us all well-lubricated tonight. By the end of the evening, I guarantee we’ll all find the groom attractive.”
  3. “Let me assure you that as the best man, my duties have been very clearly laid out. There’s a time, a place and a manner in which to say such things, and I’m told that this isn’t one of them.”
  4. “They say that love is blind. And marriage is an institution. Well, I’m not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.”
  5. “Before we toast the bride and groom, I have a piece of advice for [Groom]. The key to a happy marriage is to remember: as far as our friends and family are concerned, your wife is always right.”
  6. “I must admit that [Groom] and I are pretty similar. We’re both handsome, charming… Wait, sorry. I’m reading this part of the speech like I’m [Groom] talking about himself.”
  7. “I’m told the best speech makers follow three simple rules: Stand Up, Speak Up and then very quickly, Shut Up. I’ll try to stick to that advice.”
  8. “They say being a best man is like being a dog at a wedding. You’re required for the photographs, but not really necessary for the actual ceremony.”
  9. “When [Groom] asked me to be his best man, he told me that I could make fun of him all I want. After looking at him, I realized that God already had.”
  10. “They say that a man who gives in when he is wrong is wise. A man who gives in when he is right is married.”
  11. “Marriage is not about finding a person you can live with, it’s about finding the person you can’t live without. With that being said, let’s all take a moment to sympathize with [Bride].”
  12. “[Groom] wanted me to discuss his noble qualities. Sorry, I couldn’t think of any.”
  13. “I’ve known [Groom] for most of his life, and I can tell you that he’s smart, handsome, and… Oops, sorry, [Groom]. I can’t read your handwriting.”
  14. “To our wives and girlfriends… May they never meet!”
  15. “I do feel a bit sorry for [Bride] getting married to [Groom]. She’s a wonderful woman who deserves a great husband. Good luck buddy, at least you married up.”
  16. “As [Groom] and I are quite competitive, we did want to see who could give the best speech today. But then we thought we can’t let [Bride] win that easily.”
  17. In the endless journey of life, may their joys be as deep as the ocean and their misfortunes as light as the foam.
  18. “[Groom] is a wonderful, handsome, charismatic man. He deserves a wife who is beautiful, intelligent, and loving. Unfortunately, [Bride], you had to marry him before you found that guy.”
  19. “Before I start, [Groom], the time to run was yesterday.”
  20. “Here’s a toast to love, laughter, and happily ever after. Yes, [Groom], in that exact order.”

Wedding Jokes For Maid Of Honor Speech

Wedding Jokes For Maid Of Honor Speech
  1. “When [Bride] asked me to be her maid of honor, I was thrilled. Then I realized it came with a job description: Don’t let the bride get too nervous, don’t let her run away, and don’t mess up this speech. Two out of three isn’t bad, right?”
  2. “They say you don’t marry the person you can live with—you marry the person you can’t live without. Judging by the number of times [Bride] has called [Groom] because she can’t find her phone while talking on it, I think she’s found her perfect match.”
  3. “I remember [Bride] telling me about [Groom] when they first started dating. She said she found her Prince Charming. Little did she know that Prince Charming snored like a chainsaw.”
  4. “A piece of advice for you, [Groom]. The key to a happy marriage is to remember that when you are wrong, admit it, and when you are right, keep quiet. It’s worked for [Bride] so far.”
  5. “[Bride] and [Groom], before you’re a married couple, you’re first best friends. And by that I mean, [Groom], when [Bride] says she’s not mad, she means she’s very mad and you should be afraid.”
  6. “As [Bride’s] best friend, I’ve been there for all her relationships and breakups. [Groom], if you break her heart, I will break you.”
  7. “In the spirit of the evening, I would like to make a toast to lying, stealing, cheating, and drinking. May you always lie to save a friend, may you always steal each other’s heart, may you always cheat death, and may we always drink to moments like this!”
  8. “Just a piece of advice for [Groom]: the best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once.”
  9. “I must admit, it’s been tough to see [Bride] so happy with [Groom]. I mean, she laughs at ALL his jokes. Now I don’t even know if my jokes are funny anymore!”
  10. “Here’s to the groom, a man who keeps his head though he loses his heart.”
  11. “I used to be [Bride]’s wing-woman when we were single. Now that she’s getting married, I suppose that makes me a ‘wing-maid’.”
  12. “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. And [Bride], I can vouch that she’s been sleepless ever since she met [Groom].”
  13. “Love is like a good cake; you never know when it’s coming, but you’d better eat it when it does! Speaking of cake, isn’t it almost time to cut it?”
  14. “They say you don’t marry someone you can live with—you marry the person who you cannot live without. Which is why [Groom] is about to become the most spoiled man in the world.”
  15. “Here’s to love, laughter, and happily ever after. As [Bride]’s best friend, I can say that she has found all three with [Groom].”
  16. “May you two have the two essential things you need for a successful marriage: a sense of humor and selective hearing.”
  17. “[Bride], I’ve shared so many memories with you: joy, laughter, tears. Thanks to [Groom], I can now add giving a terrifying maid of honor speech to that list.”
  18. “True love is the joy of life, and I can see the joy in both [Bride] and [Groom]’s eyes. Either that or they’re just relieved they’ve finally said ‘I do.'”
  19. “[Groom], today you marry [Bride] who is beautiful, smart, funny, warm, and loving. Good job, [Groom], you’re right on time for once!”
  20. “Marriage: a relationship where one is always right and the other is [Groom].”

Wedding Jokes For Master Of Ceremonies

Wedding Jokes For Master Of Ceremonies
  1. “I don’t know whether we should be celebrating or mourning the loss of one of the most eligible bachelors in the room today.”
  2. “Why does a man want to marry a virgin? Because they can’t stand criticism!”
  3. “Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.”
  4. “Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.”
  5. “I always like to think of matrimony as a long, romantic novel, written by two authors. Both need to work on the plot and, no matter what, you have to stick to the same storyline.”
  6. “They say being a husband is like any other job. It helps a lot if you like your boss.”
  7. “Here’s some advice for the newlyweds – never go to bed angry. Stay up and argue.”
  8. “Remember, a good marriage is like a campfire. Both grow cold if left unattended.”
  9. “You know, they say that a good speech is much like a good dress. Long enough to cover the essentials, but short enough to keep your attention.”
  10. “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.”
  11. “I’ve known [Groom] for a long time, and he always said he’d never fall in love and get married. So just to remind him, we’re all gathered here today because of a love and a vow that [Groom] said would never happen.”
  12. “In the endless journey of life, may their joys be as deep as the ocean and their misfortunes as light as the foam.”
  13. “To the two secrets to a long-lasting happy marriage: Here’s to good sense of humor and a short memory!”
  14. “I’ve been told that in marriage, one person is always right and the other person is the husband.”
  15. “Marriage is like a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.”
  16. “[Groom] you are a very lucky man. [Bride] has agreed to marry you, cook for you, wash your clothes, love you, make sure you’re up for work every day, care for you when you’re sick and promise to love you even when you’re old and frail. And all you have to do is promise not to step on the end of the vacuum cleaner cord.”
  17. “They say love is blind. Let’s hope it’s not also deaf, dumb and stupid.”
  18. “Just remember, marriage is a workshop… where the husband works and the wife shops.”
  19. “Here’s to love and laughter and happily ever after. Speaking of love and laughter, how about that ‘doughnut’ of an engagement ring.”
  20. “Why did the groom keep his bride waiting at the altar? Because he felt it was his duty to give her a wedding she’d never forget!”

Final Words

In the end, it’s clear that humor is an essential part of married life, and marriage jokes provide an amusing lens through which we can appreciate its many ups, downs, and idiosyncrasies.

These jokes remind us that even in the midst of challenges, there’s always room for a good laugh. After all, humor is a potent glue that can strengthen bonds, lighten moods, and provide perspective.

As we navigate the complexities of marital life, let’s remember to infuse it with laughter and shared joy. So, here’s to love, laughter, and the light-hearted side of saying ‘I do!’

Check More Jokes:

Easter Jokes

Kitchen Utensil Puns

Wood Puns

Leave a Comment